I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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