Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
