Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity

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(847): just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity http://tfl.nu/hbyg

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(646): View more from New York

I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.

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(646): I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York. http://tfl.nu/ptqc

Replies (34) Good night (7629) Bad night (580)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?

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(402): Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy? http://tfl.nu/i95d

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(305): View more from Florida

Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.

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(305): Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high. http://tfl.nu/4ptt

Replies (36) Good night (7676) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
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(810): View more from Michigan

Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.

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(810): Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/9d1q

Replies (25) Good night (1722) Bad night (5390) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.

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(215): So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me. http://tfl.nu/xxo9

Replies (8) Good night (958) Bad night (1978) Order T-Shirt
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(860): View more from Connecticut

There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.

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(860): There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now. http://tfl.nu/p8mk

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(281): View more from Texas

and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.

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(281): and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst. http://tfl.nu/n2zz

Replies (6) Good night (2806) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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(201): View more from New Jersey

Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.

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(201): Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them. http://tfl.nu/ciek

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.

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(405): I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed. http://tfl.nu/abj9

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(207): View more from Maine

I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined

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(207): I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined http://tfl.nu/df5k

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(404): View more from Georgia

Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.

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(404): Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me. http://tfl.nu/r7qw

Replies (10) Good night (1947) Bad night (412)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.

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(248): I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom. http://tfl.nu/9ssn

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.

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(608): Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants. http://tfl.nu/jnxo

Replies (4) Good night (679) Bad night (246)
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(650): View more from California

Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah

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(650): Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah http://tfl.nu/cx0s

Replies (2) Good night (278) Bad night (278) Order T-Shirt

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