I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
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I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!