How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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