I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry about my life...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.