I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How external is "for external use only"?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped