im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...