she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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