Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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