Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
