Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
