i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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