Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
