i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
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Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
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Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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