Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
