Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
