shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Im part way to drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
