No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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