I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
