"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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