He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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