Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
