Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
