guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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