Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We're too hungover to prance.
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