he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize