YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
