why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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