Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
