I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
