Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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