I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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