I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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