I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
