and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I want a musical about memes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
