ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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