I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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