HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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