Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
