I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize