You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
