I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
