I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
