i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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