I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
