I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So vagazzling was a success
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
