Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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