just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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