4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We are two peas in an std pod
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
