So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
