Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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