I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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