Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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