Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize