just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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