who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
