It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
