Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
