if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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