Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
dude. I can hear the air.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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