You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
