my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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