so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sober January is a disaster.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
