Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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