Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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