Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
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Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My butt remains clenched, sir.