Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?