If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes