Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.