I hate all girls vehemently.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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