JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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