Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
