I cockslap morals
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
