I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
